Art of Gracious Living #25

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I gathered with some friends recently that I see each month. We take turns going around the circle and discussing what is on our mind.

When it was my turn I was talking about the recent artist's retreat I went on and other tidbits about my life. There was nothing extraordinary in what I was saying, and yet I noticed that everyone in the room was giving me their rapt attention.

I was struck by what an incredible gift it is when people truly listen to what you're saying. It also gave me reason to consider if I extend myself to others in that fashion.

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Communication style

Communication is just an interesting phenomenon.

Communication theory indicates that "male style" communication is generally more matter of fact, and people who are more emotionally based when it comes to communication find that difficult. I see this all the time. People get bent out of shape when someone is just direct. Of course, I like it when people are direct - I like to know where I stand.

Women tend to talk more in terms of "I think we should," or "I feel it would be best..." Men tend to talk more in terms of "I decided..." or "We are going to..." Of course, there are people of both genders who cross beyond those specifics.

I had to teach myself the more female style of communication because I grew up with lots of boys and men, and very strong willed women, and didn't develop that naturally. Once I entered the business world, I learned it was very difficult for people to accept a male style of communication out of a female - oddly enough it was never men who had an issue with it in my case, but other women. Men liked the fact that I could just say what I meant/wanted/needed. But the other women I worked with did not like it that I didn't use the "softer" way of communicating. It took me years to remind myself to say, "I think we should..." instead of just saying "I want this to be..."

I've learned to fake it enough to get by, but it is still not natural for me to talk in those ways. If you already know you want to print the project on green paper, I can't imagine why you want to spend 20 minutes talking about why you should print it on green paper, and soliciting other people's opinions about the green paper. I'd rather take thirty seconds to call the printer with the decision and spend the other 19 1/2 minutes doing something productive or relaxing.

I've noticed the same thing on discussion lists. There's a situation now on a list where a gentleman who is very polite, but very "no frills" in communicating, has been chastised by someone for his "terse" emails. He's not terse - he's just matter of fact. I feel for him so much because I've been told similar things just because I'm definitive. It gets old. Really old. And it makes you just not want to communicate with anyone who doesn't respect people who can just say what they mean.

It's probably why I've not been reading any of my former discussion list email for many months now.

It's been a very nice Memorial Day. Greg and I took Mia and Mark out to lunch to thank them for their generous help to us yesterday in chauffering us to and from the train. It's good to have such great friends who will come to your aid for things that might not seem like the most necessary and logical ways you could spend your time.

I've been working on the Union Pacific No. 844 story, which I'll be posting here as soon as it's ready. It's quite an amazing tale with many facets. I know some of you are very eager to see it and I promise we will post it as soon as possible, but tomorrow I must get back to that regular job of mine and it does take some time and energy. I've been reading over my notes tonight and also did a couple of phone interviews to flesh things out. Greg is working on his photos and some of them are spectacular.

Mark had to leave town early today, right after lunch. But later in the afternoon Greg, his mom, Mia and I went over to LV's pool and swam for a couple of hours. We then chowed down on BBQ and topped it off with watermelon.

I think we hit all the typical summer things - swimming, BBQ and watermelon - in the space of a few hours. That seems fitting for the traditional start of the summer season. I'm not sure how many more things we could have worked in that typically scream "summer." None of us are beer drinkers - that's about the only additional thing I can think of. Fortunately, Mia had a better idea - she made coconut pie tonight. It might not be traditionally summer-y, but it was fabulous pie.

Today I have had an extraordinary experience - being transported back to the days of the steam engines. Greg and I were priviledged to be aboard Union Pacific 844 as it went from Claremore, OK to Kansas City's Union Station. Expect a lengthy story here, with many photos, as soon as I have a chance to write it. I talked to numerous other passengers today, as well as Union Pacific employees, about the event.

We left at 5:30 this morning and returned after 11 p.m. I haven't even had a chance to download the photos yet, but rest assured this wlll happen shortly.

I think you, like me, will be surprised at some of the details I picked up today - not the least of which is that Union Pacific has more business than they can handle. It's so refreshing to hear a company talk about being in a growth mode instead of downsizing.

For the moment, i must sleep in order to be coherent. Tomorrow, we will take Mia and Mark out to a nice lunch because they were kind enough to drive us to OK and from KC. It's good to have really good friends.

Well, I'm off to slumber land where I'll no doubt dream about puffs of steam and train whistles tonight.

I'm feeling like my life has gotten a bit dull and ordinary. I think I'm in need of an adventure very soon - something unusual - something I've never done - something fun. I'm not sure what it is yet, but I know I need it.

I've gotten too entrenched in daily life. There's the house and garden, volunteer work, organizations, gatherings, details, board meetings, events to plan, projects to do, and work. I've become the soccer mom without the kids or the soccer. I have to break that mold and fast. I do not want to live a life stuck in routine. I realize some people love life to be that way, and more power to them - goodness knows I envy them sometimes because that would be so much easier to achieve.

But that is not how I want my life to be. I want my life to be filled with newness and exciting things and adventure. I want every day to have something in it that makes me say, "hmmm... I've never done that before." It doesn't have to be anything major, but every day should offer some opportunity for something new and different - a new restaurant, a town you've not been to, a person you've not met, a pie you've not tasted, a flower you've not smelled, a rock you've not seen - something. We live in an amazing world - everyday should have something new in it.

This begs the question of when was the last time I did something I've never done before. Hmmm... I'll have to think about that. But it wasn't today. Yet. But it's only 4 p.m. - I still have time. I'll report back.

I have a number of flowers blooming in the front flowerbed now. This lily plant has looked like it was ready to bloom for about three weeks. Finally a couple of days ago one popped open. By the end of the day another was open. Now a half dozen are open. I hope they last for awhile. They're very pretty. I think I'll plant some more things like this.

Last year I invested in a lot of perennials. And "invested" is the correct term. Gardening is not for those who hesitate to whip out the Visa card. It can get quite pricey. But this year when things started coming up on their own, it seemed like it was a good thing to spend time and money on last year

I lost three coneflower plants. I didn't even know you could kill those things - they're suppposed to be very prolific - but I lost all of mine.

One of the garden tour folks told me the other day that although this was a mild winter, the two cold snaps took a lot of things because the plants had not hardened off. My lambs ear stayed green all winter. I have vinca blooming in the snow. So, I'm not sure how weirded out all the plants are.

The mint is doing well. I know some call it "invasive," I just call it "hardy." And I have quite a few morning glories coming up already. I did the string for them last weekend. I always think I'm incredibly optimistic that I'm putting up 12 feet of string when the plants are an inch tall. But, once they start growing, they can really grow fast.

I love viney things that give that wild, overgrown look. My honeysuckle bloomed ever so briefly but I missed getting a photo of it. Hopefully it will bloom yet more.

This year I have also planted a few tomato plants, a cucumber, a pepper, some shallots, and basil. I'm hoping all those things do well. I so desperately want to enjoy home grown tomatoes with fresh mozzarella with basil flavored olive oil this summer. We'll see if that can happen. I hope so.

Unfortunately, it went from days of temps around 70 to days of temps in the 90s. I need to harden off just like plants, but didn't get the chance this summer. Summer just arrived with a vengence.

Your Good Thoughts Requested

About three weeks ago, my brother, Jim, was diagnosed with lung cancer, the same disease that took our father 33 years ago. On May 11, the 5 year anniversary of our mother's death, they gave him 6 months to live. Monday he had a bone scan and today called to tell me it has not spread to his bones. So, he may now be able to have chemotherapy, which may well save his life.

Needless to say, this has been uppermost in my mind. My brother just turned 65 at the end of last month. He has been doing so much better since some unrelated surgery a few weeks ago. He has sounded lots better and said he has been feeling better. I was hoping he would be able to enjoy life a bit, with good health, and then they found this.

I firmly believe in the power of prayer and positive thought. So, I ask you to remember Jim in your prayers, or whatever thought process you practice.

I've had a number of emails from readers, asking why I've been spotty in posting and that is why. I will continue to write here about my daily life with its ups and downs, but felt I owed you an explanation of why I have been absent so much lately. This is all I've been able to think about since Jim called me two weeks ago.

Thank you for your prayers and good wishes.

I've been keeping a blog since 17 March 2004. You can read earlier entries at www.patsyterrell.com. Thanks for looking!